


haunted by the ghost of you

by tootiredmotel



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, I cried writing this, M/M, Pain, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Sadness, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, lotta angst, no happy endings here, oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 10:38:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15459519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tootiredmotel/pseuds/tootiredmotel
Summary: Everyone leaves, one way or another. Whether they walk out on him, die, or both. They always end up leaving him behind.





	haunted by the ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

> i reeeeaaaaally didnt wanna give anything away so, there's that  
> even tho y'all probably already know  
> this is un-beta'd btw, so i apologize in advance for any mistakes  
> \+ I gave Peter a stuffed rabbit and named him Whiskey because I feel like young peter is so cute he wanted to make the name Whiskers seem more friendly somehow?

_**I am not the only traveler** _

 

When Peter was six years old, his parents dropped him off for a weekend at his aunt and uncle's. He didn't really think anything of it, because he'd had sleepovers there before. Peter just remembered his parents in more of a rush than usual. His momma was telling his Aunt May about his favorite foods and bedtime stories- but didn't Aunt May already know that?

 

The weekend turned into a week, and Peter's fear that his parents abandoned him grew each day. He even had a nightmare or two, but didn't want take wake his aunt and uncle. They were already having to keep him for longer than they thought. It wouldn't be fair.

 

Another week goes by, and Peter is clutching the plush rabbit. Only instead of sitting up on bed, making sure his night light didn't go out, he's holding Whiskey in the backseat of the car, trying not cry on his way home from the service. Well, not home. Not where his parents should be. He's going back to his aunt and uncle's. 

 

Nine years go by, they're a bit rough, what with everything with Steven Westcott an the bullying. But he makes a friend, finally. Ned Leeds. Peter doesn't think he would survive without Ned. And then his class goes on a field trip to Oscorp and he's bitten by a spider. Instead of dying, _because he thought he was experiencing symptoms, not a mutation_ , he gets freakin' _super powers_. 

 

While he's trying to juggle this secret, his now enhanced hormones or whatever, and the crap he goes through at school, he starts getting snappy without even meaning too. He feels awful about it, because Ned doesn't know what he's going through, and he certainly doesn't deserve to be yelled at for it. Neither do Ben or May. But whether he means to or not, life finds a way to punish him for it. He calls it Parker Luck. One night he and Ben have a heated argument, things that can never be taken back are said, and hours later Peter is found hovering over his uncle's body, sobbing. 

 

 So he makes it his mission to track down the guy that did it, because he can make that guy hurt now. He doesn't know the extent of his powers, he just knows he's strong and fast. He can do it. 

 

Until he can't. Uncle Ben's stupid catchphrase comes rushing back to him. Even in his passing, his uncle's fatherly ways affect him. 

 

_I **'ve been searching for a trail to follow**_

_The antenna lady was right, somethings happening. He feels it in his bones, in his Spidey Senses. Something's happening, and it can't be good. The Thanos guy got away with the gauntlet and the stone, nothing good could possibly come from that._

 

_But it makes him think of what Dr. Strange had said earlier. How if it came down to saving him or Mr. Stark, he would save the stone. So why did he save Mr. Stark? Not that he was complaining, really, but the consequences couldn't have been good, and holy shit she just disintegrated?  And then the big guy, then Quill, and-and Dr. Strange._

 

_"It was the only way."_

 

_How? Are they transporting somewhere via dust storm? Because while that sounds cool, it doesn't exactly look fun._

 

_His entire body feels weird, like it's being tugged apart but trying to hold itself together. Oh man. Oh shit, oh man. He should say something, he should get help. "Mr. Stark? I don't feel so good." He's trying to walk towards his mentor, he is, but he's sure that it looks more like a baby trying to walk-that's how it feels, like his strength is gone and he's back to being Puny Parker, not able to fight back. Not against Skip, not for Uncle Ben, and now not against death. Oh god, he's dying. He doesn't want to._

 

_He knows Mr. Stark is saying something, but all he can think about how he doesn't want to die, and suddenly he's in his mentor's arms. "I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, please, I don't wanna go," He can't even help the word vomit. It's all just spilling out of him, just like the last of his strength. He can feel his knees giving out, and he doesn't want to put any more weight on Mr. Stark, because he's been recently stabbed, but he can't help it, and he can't help how his voice breaks. "I don't wanna go."_

 

_Suddenly he's on the ground, Mr. Stark is hovering over him. It's kind of ironic. A year ago it was him over his dying father figure, and now it's been reversed. Mr. Stark is no Ben Parker, but dammit he's Tony Stark, and Peter's looked up to him since he was seven.       He wants to thank the man, for saving him all those years ago, for putting up with him, for everything. He wants to thank him, apologize, and then tell him how much he means to him, and of course to tell May the same. He knows he's dying and he's sorry. "I'm sorry."_

_He feels himself_ _separate._

And then suddenly he's being reformed, like his death was only two seconds long instead of the agonizing eternity it felt like. Peter looks around. Everyone else that turned to ash and floated away is here, except for Dr. Strange, which is ironically strange itself. Right now though he just wants to see Mr. Stark and May, visit Ned later, and check in on Michelle. 

 

 He doesn't know where Mr. Stark or the blue woman is, which means they survived. So he just needs to wait, wait with Quill and his group. He kind of wishes Dr. Strange where here to teleport him back to New York. But Dr. Strange isn't here and he's stuck with these guys. 

 

"So you didn't like Footloose?" Peter turned his head towards Quill. "It's okay, just not the greatest movie in the world." They bonded over movies and how they both have the name Peter. "So how come your dad isn't here?" 

 

Peter traveled to earth with the Guardians, landing in Wakanda. He met Thor and Loki-who apparently had died too. He also met a talking raccoon and his tree son, and the princess of Wakanda who turned out to be his age. He liked meeting these people, but he wanted to see his Not Dad, ride home with him and hug May.

 

The longest two days of his life ended, and Dr. Strange finally showed. He delivered the news that yes, everyone's here because Thanos was defeated by a woman people were calling Captain Marvel. But then Peter received some of the worst news of his life, and he cried himself to sleep. 

 

**_and then I can tell myself_ **

It'd been almost a year since everything happened with Thanos and Titan and Wakanda. He made a new suit himself, using Mr. Stark's base plans, another thing to thank him for. Peter had also gotten a girlfriend, Gwen, and was about to graduate high school. Rhodes and Happy had said that the young couple remind them of a younger Tony and Pepper in a way. 

 

It was prom night, but it felt like a repeat of homecoming from his sophomore year. A total disaster. 

 

He had shot his web out, aiming for the falling Gwen, refusing to not catch her. He saw the moment the web reached her, which meant she was safe. So he tied to the web to a large pipe before jumping down to check on her. 

 

_"You're Spider-Man, and I love that. But I love Peter Parker more."_

 

When he got to the bottom, Gwen wasn't moving, probably in shock, or lost consciousness. "Gwen, hey, are you okay? I mean, I know that's a stupid question, considering, but-" Her silence is was cut him off. Usually whenever he rambled on she would help him out, knowing exactly what he was going to say. 

 

"Gwen?" She still wasn't moving, so he removed his mask and one of his gloves to find a pulse. "You're okay." He asked Karen to read her vitals. He wasn't happy with the response, and immediately started panicking. "Gwen! No, please! Please, stay with me, please, Gwen." He was full on crying now. 

 

Rhodes found him later that night. 

**_what the hell (am I) supposed to do_ **

 

 

In the summer before his first year of college, Peter spent a lot of time visiting graves. His parents, Ben, Tony, Gwen...Ned. 

 

_"Dude, I'm your guy in the chair. What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't help you with this?"_

 

It was supposed to be simple. Ned was just giving him the information of Doc Ock's computer he hacked into. 

 

_Peter doesn't think he would survive without Ned._

 

Ned didn't deserve this. Not in the slightest. There was not a single way that Ned Leeds deserved this. And it was all his fault. 

 

He'd lost his parents, his uncle. He even died, just to come back and find out that his father figure died too. Then he lost his girlfriend and his best friend. 

 

He spent a lot of his summer missing Ned. 

 

**_I had all and then most of you, some and none of you_ **

****

Peter and Michelle tried to hang out as much as possible before she had to move for college, but a lot of the time they mourned their friend. And then the night before she was supposed to leave, they spent the night together. 

 

Out of all of his failed relationships, he couldn't help but feel like Michelle was the one that got away. He'd always thought maybe somewhere along the line something would happen for them, but he met Gwen, and she met a guy at an art show. He was happy for her, and he was happy with Gwen, but it still felt like they were supposed to be together and just missed their chance. 

 

He loved Gwen, but she was gone. They both missed Ned, but he was gone too. So on that Thursday night, they stayed together. It felt wrong, but in a way it felt right. It was like they had started a new chapter of their lives. Unfortunately their pages didn't line up.

 

_**I don't know what I'm supposed to do** _

Over time, Peter had actually started to get to know Captain America. They actually had a couple things in common. The Daily Bugle hated Spider-Man, along with probably half of New York, and America kind of hated Captain America because of the accords still. 

 

They actually started to bond on a particular Saturday. 

 

Jameson had sent him to photograph Cap himself, but the Serpent Society struck, and the two were needed for more than a photo shoot. The citizens that were stuck with them definitely did not like them. 

 

_Peter hung upside down, following as Captain Rogers continued walking. "Cap, why aren't you defending yourself? The news is all over you."  Peter didn't really know Mr. Rogers that well, but he knew the media was treating him unfairly. Part of him felt like he was betraying Mr. Stark, but part of him knew it wasn't about picking sides. "They say worse about you." Was the dry response he got. Yeah, no shit they say worse about him. "Yeah, and it's horrible! How could you be so-so not upset about this?"_

 

_Peter recalled the time Mr. Stark had sat him down and told him that crazy as it was, not everyone would like Spider-Man, and he told him about a time each of the Avengers received hate from citizens. It did not seem like something he wanted to experience, so Peter made it his mission to be more careful, try not to damage anything._

 

_"I know who you are." Well, shit. Mr. Stark didn't tell him his identity, did he? "I've heard stories about how you save lives and never ask for recognition. It doesn't matter was the media says, or the politicians, or the whole world. They don't define who you are." Peter's eyes widened behind the mask. He felt guilty about questioning Mr. Stark, but he mainly felt a pang in his chest. "You do." This was exactly the speech Mr. Stark needed to hear too._

 

_Later, Peter read the Bugle's article on his phone; Captain America Saves New York From Spider-Man and the Serpent Society._

_But Cap talked to him, told him that it didn't matter, because they people they saved know the truth, and so did they. It was from that point on he started training with Captain Rogers, and even started calling him Steve. Yet another pang in his chest for Mr. Stark. Tony._

 

As usual, all good things come to an end. 

 

Apparently Steve's girlfriend was brainwashed, and helped a guy that really hated him take him out. 

 

Peter was meeting the Fantastic Four when he heard the news, and rushed to Brooklyn as soon as possible. 

 

_"Dammit, not again."_

 

He didn't know if Wilson or Barnes would take up the mantle of Captain America, or if someone else would. But he knew they had big shoes to fill. 

 

Peter was really gonna miss the guy, being there for him, to talk about Tony and just about everything else. 

 

_"Sometimes I think those damn accords weren't worth it. Sometimes I wish everyone was still together, eating at that weird schawarma place Tony likes. I wish we were all opening fan mail together, and having a marathon for the War in the Stars movies. Hell, I wish I could go back in time, go on that date. Everything was much simpler then than it is now. But we're here_ now _. We need to make the best of it. Tony would."_

 

**_when the night was full of terror_ **

Peter's list of people to visit grew more and more. His parents, Uncle Ben, Tony, Gwen, Ned, Steve, Johnny, Flash, and May. Why the hell did everyone leave? He literally has no one left that he could talk to about these things. 

 

Johnny died off world, fighting alongside his team. 

 

_Peter and Johnny sat on the ledge, eating chicken wraps and just hanging out. Peter's mask was up so he could eat, "It all means my_ great responsibility _has shot up as well. I feel like I've got no time for_ me _anymore, y'know? For the little things like stopping robbers who end up killing uncles!" Johnny kept eating, but Peter knew his was listening._

 

_"I'm just saying, it's nice having these lunch breaks with Johnny Storm! Just me relating to common people again. Common people who burst into flame, yet common nonetheless. Very common." The two were on the verge of laughing._ _"Wow, thanks. I totally hate how well you're doing. Even your dorky costume is cooler now."_

 

_Johnny wrapped up their trash into a ball, as Peter stopped slurping his drink. "What's wrong with taking advantage of my super-genius-ness? You used to be in the Fantastic Four! Why didn't Mr. Fantastic ever give you cool gadgets for_ your _costume back in the day?"_

 

_Johnny threw the ball out, igniting it. "Um, I'm the Human Torch! I'm awesome as is! You_ need _tech to shoot webs and junk. What else would I even need?" The firing ball of trash disintegrated, and Peter stood up, pulling his mask back on. "Uh, I don't know, maybe a tiny fire extinguisher? I'm pretty sure I remember you burning down a bar once-" Johnny cut him off. "Once! Fully insured!"_

 

_Peter pulled Johnny into a hug. "Love ya, you destructive dummy. I gotta jet." Johnny hugged him back. "Ugh. Still up for a movie tonight?"_

 

If someone had told him years ago that he and Flash Thompson would actually end up becoming friends, he's not entirely sure he would believe them. 

 

It was crazy, how during his senior year, after the black suit fiasco, Flash ended up wearing the suit. His bully became his rival, and eventually his friend. From high school bully to Venom, to Agent Anti-Venom. And that he's helping him take down his friend's dad. 

 

_"Hang in there, Flash! I'm coming!" Peter had to fight off the red goblin before he could help his friend though._

 

_Peter had let the Symbiote take over, and it was Flash Thompson of all people to talk him down. "Peter, no! Don't do this. You need to calm down, please..."_

 

_"Parker, listen to me. That suit's good now. Or it can be. I Know-I helped make it that way. Don't let your rage infect it. Don't you be the reason it goes bad again." It was unbelievable that his former bully-the guy that called him 'Penis Parker' was now talking him out of doing the wrong thing. "Me? I-I'm..."_

 

_He broke out of the trance, taking control over his emotions and suit again. "...Sorry, Flash. C'mon, we gotta get you somewhere to-" "No time."_

 

_Peter was not about to let Flash Thompson die, but apparently life and Parker Luck had different plans._

 

_"People need you. They need...Peter Parker...the amazing Spider-Man. My hero. My_ friend _."_

 

_-_

 

_"Peter."_

_"Betty?"_

_"He'd hate me for saying this, but...he told me you were always his best friend, you should say a few words."_

 

_Peter stood on the left of Flash's closed casket. "Hey, Flash-Man. Always so cool. This guy? He knew a waltz from a cha-cha._

 

_Who am I kidding? You were a bully. You were_ my _bully. When I think of all the lockers you shoved me into..._

 

_But here's the thing...bullies don't come out of nowhere. Someone always hurt them first. Didn't find that out about you, Flash, until years later. Then one day, everything changed. You told me you found a hero to look up to."_

 

_He would go on before he finally looked up at Flash's picture.  "I know you're my best friend, but there's something I never told you. I'm your number one fan._

 

_You're the hero I look up to."_

 

_Later he spoke to Aunt May, had dinner with her, and they talked. They talked about everything; about Ben, Tony, Gwen, and Ned. About everyone and everything else._

 

_Peter just wishes someone had told him that would be the last time he had dinner with May._

 

Peter stood at Ben and May's grave, bending down to set the flowers. 

 

If it weren't for his surrogate parents, he probably would've ended up in a foster home. 

 

He wouldn't have survived high school without Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones, or Gwen Stacy. 

 

He wouldn't survive college without Harry Osborn, the superhero life without Tony, Steve, Johnny and Flash. 

 

**_and your eyes were filled with tears_ **

"Pepper, what are you saying?" Peter had gotten a call from a frantic Pepper Potts while he was eating ramen in his cheap apartment. They usually got dinner the next night. Him, Pepper, Rhodes, and Happy. "But that-I-it can't..."

 

Peter rushed to the compound, trying to get Upstate as soon as possible. If Pepper was right...if it was true...

 

Peter ran inside, not giving anyone that greeted him an answer. Not to Wanda and her kids, not to Thor, or Natasha. He didn't speak until he made it to the medical bay. Peter searched the room, only seeing Dr. Banner, Pepper, and Rhodes. "Wh-where is he?" 

 

"Hey kid." 

 

Peter turned around, following the voice behind him. And then he leaped into open arms.

 

"Tony!"

 

Peter and Tony stayed that way for nearly ten minutes, just hugging and crying. Peter felt hands in his hair, fingers intertwining in curls. "I know, I know. I missed you too, kid." The hand in his hair feels nice and he doesn't want it to end. 

 

Peter didn't pull away when asking where the hell his mentor went, and even if he wanted to move, Tony wasn't letting him any time soon. 

 

**_take me back to the night we met_ **

_"Steve said that?" Peter nodded. Tony did too, before continuing. Well he was right. If I could tell him one thing...it wasn't worth it."_

 

_Peter suddenly had the urge to spill, and he did. "I need to tell you something. I need to tell you a lot of things, actually, but I didn't get to, because I dusted and then when I came back you were gone._

 

_You saved me a lot. But the first time was when I was seven. It was a Stark Expo, the night the Hammer drones attacked? That little kid in the mask? It was me. You saved my life and then said 'nice job, kid' like I contributed. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be Spider-Man. Not just because you saved me then, but because you keep saving me._

 

_I'm not just talking about the time you pulled me out of the lake, or the time you sent the Iron Spider suit. I lost everyone._

 

_I lost everyone, and then you came back. I don't think I would've made it here today without you. So really, I should be thanking you. I-"_

 

_Peter was cut off by Tony bringing him to his chest._

 Tony is cradling him against his chest, running fingers through his hair. It feels nice. 

 

"Dammit, kid, you don't get to leave again."

 

It feels nice....

 

"I swear to god, Parker, you better keep breathing. Don't you dare...on me... P..eter!"

 

_It feels...nice..._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> purely because the night we met by lord huron played and i think i already have something with a title inspired by this song but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> this sucks, oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooood


End file.
